so explain again why im purple
no
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
