all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
