Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
