White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
