I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
