I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
