She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
