u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
