i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
