its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
