you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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