You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
