I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
