It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
