glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
