Dude my mom stole all your condoms
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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