I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
