you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
