my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
