I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
