I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
