if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
