have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
