some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
