she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
