My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
