I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
