I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think i got beer on your cat.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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