I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
