sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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