Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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