i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
