I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
