I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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