Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
