Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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