these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
