so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
