i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
