first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
