Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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