HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
