Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
