You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize