I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I believe in your delicious
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
