He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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