Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
