But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
