and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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