dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
